Zi Zhang said: huge buffer group, the vast majority of friends are developed from acquaintances, the two strangers like old friends in the situation to make friends there, but rarely. And how can such a friend hit it off very doubtful how far . So how to choose friends from acquaintances, it is inevitable problems of each young man.
traditional Chinese culture has a lot of discussion on how to make friends, these statements are no doubt embodied the efforts and wisdom of our ancestors , who can not say that these statements are completely wrong. But if we are serious about collecting these statements aggregate, but not difficult to find each other is not entirely uniform, and even contradictory to each other. Even in the same book, For discussion of how to make friends but also contradict each other.
example, Confucius, Friends of the Pianpi, friendly, soft, friendly would Ning, loss carry on. with well-informed people make friends, is useful. the same people who used to take the evil ways to make friends, to curry favor with the people who are good at making friends with the rhetoric used to make friends with people, is harmful. with a : He will not be tolerated in people? In my good and not, people will reject me, Ruzhi He is also the rejection? how to make friends. Zi Zhang said: said: ? What I can not accommodate others? I am a not virtuous person? others would refuse contact with me, I say no then how can we go? discussion is completely different, a clear view of Confucius, can not easily make friends, be sure to make friends with good people, bad people can not make friends, which almost all children of Chinese parents on the request of friends, because they believe in He that knows nothing, doubts nothing, That is, regardless of their good or bad, are the result of influence by others, the responsibility of friends who are.
Zi Zhang argues just the opposite, he is totally on the opposite point of view of Confucius to discuss dating, that is, We are not unilaterally by the influence of friends, on the contrary, we can to influence our friends. friends with our own good or bad quality and not necessarily related, good friends, only by becoming like us to follow the order as good friends, good friends, we can not go to school, but not necessarily going to reject or refuse, we can accommodate less than friends, even with our good friends, not to change.
I understand Confucius Making Friends, but more appreciate the concept of sub-sheets of friends. In fact, Confucius Making Friends is more difficult to achieve, for the simple reason that if everyone wants people with good friends than you, not willing than their poor people to make friends, then who can not make friends. For example, in a class, each student scores are higher than they hope to make friends with students to improve their scores, students with low scores can be found high scores of students to make friends, but students with high scores and low scores of students can not make friends, so that one can not make friends of you?
However, if in accordance with the concept of sub-sheets of friends, this problem does not exist. Regardless of the low scores of students with high scores can make friends with each other, can be mutually reinforcing, if not each other, can also be helpful.
another Confucian View of Friendship is not feasible, we choose friends, they often not possible for a full and complete understanding of friends, friends of the understanding, mostly through long-term exchanges can be achieved. and a person's strengths and weaknesses, advantages and disadvantages are also mixed up with each other, we can not simply because someone a defect or lack of one aspect of a person to refuse contact with it.
(to be continued)
5,1, Confucianism, love and the love of Christ mm , strangers love
5,1, Confucianism, love and the love of Christ
Master said: have spare capacity, places science text. and Southeast Asia as the main Confucian culture and the United States, Europe, the theme of Christian culture emphasized
Christian culture that emphasizes love is the love of God and man is a man-made, more abstract and rational love. the Christian religion based on myth, claiming that God created human beings, so God loves mankind. God to humanity Well, at the expense of Jesus the Son of God, so man should love God. humans only love God, to love God and love can other people, only God can be given to a variety of well-being of mankind.
Confucian culture The emphasis on love is love between people is a natural, more specific, sensual love. Confucian culture based on people's emotional needs, claiming that people born are born from the love of a family, this love is born , and instinct, does not require any special training and indoctrination man. This love between mother and child from the love of human relations, gradually stretching out to form a love between family members, and then expand off to can relate to all of the love between human beings, namely, The emphasis on love and the Confucian culture that emphasizes love, we can see the love these two cultures have in common and differences. Christian culture is through the love of God, the intermediary, to achieve the love between people Confucian culture is through the love of family extended to meet the love between people. If we carefully analyze, but also easy to see that the Christian God of love, in fact, is also a love of family, but this family love to be expanded, the expansion of God became the father of all, all religious people are brothers and sisters become extended.
, but at this point, the Confucian mind the mind of Christ is undoubtedly broader than some of the Confucian that , if you do not join, or even believe in other religion, he not only did not recognize your brothers, you also can recognize the enemy, the history for several centuries of the Christian Crusades, that is, pagans and Christians to wage war massacre .
the love of God and man, if without special training or special human indoctrination, it is generally difficult to accept the existence of God and God is love. but the love of people do not need special training and indoctrination, each person came into the world from the moment you can feel it, so I better appreciate and love the Confucian culture that emphasizes the love of human instinct.
the core of Confucianism is Today, the words Confucius said different levels and in different groups, different identity and social division of labor, implementation of said: We can feel the love from their parents and relatives, but do not necessarily know how to love the truth, and the Confucian culture is telling us why you should love and truth such as how to love, which is the traditional Chinese culture in the education of love .
this love of education, parents and teachers can teach us, as well as by our own traditional culture of learning through to inherit. This love of learning is a lengthy process, so we in the promotion of Confucius independent thinking, do not advocate blind obedience, Confucius said: understanding of love will change, will face more and more, increasingly complex and love-related problems, so have to keep learning and thinking in order for us to find the best way to implement love.
5 , 2, care for the young mm the limits of love, no matter what religious faith, no matter what color, no matter whether he is a nobleman or civilians, have cherished their love. For example, the Confucian culture, especially the emphasis on care for the young, as long as the elderly are to give respect, as long as young children should be given special care, that is, like Mencius, Young person no blood ties with their children. Some scholars point out that these words of Mencius is thought to play a love of Confucius.
St according to Dai Han in the a more specific statement: be dependent or disabled by key alone. One can not make people support their own parents, raising their children, so that all seniors can spend their remaining years, middle-aged people can have work to do, children can develop and grow, the old man without wife old without her husband's people, orphans, childless elderly, the disabled can get support.
course, the era of Confucius, can only be an aspiration, or an expectation of the ideal, low production capacity in the material so the age of Confucius that one world can not be realized. In fact Confucius, in his lifetime, has not really accepted by any ruler. But in today's highly developed material civilization, Confucius then proposed to achieve the ideal world, it touches entirely possible. In fact, we all know that some countries have already far exceeded the national treatment Datong Confucius described by the state of the world.
Nevertheless, Confucius his age, or ability to do everything to realize his ideal of the local implementation of the part can be, for example, according to . thoughtful, caring, ; one in Sri Lanka, in Sri Lanka some. Public 15.42 ��
meaning of this passage is that: to see Confucius, musician Mian, go next step, Confucius said:, more than love, but discrimination. cite a simple example to prove this point:
If a young mother with a child in the street to see a disabled person, the mother is often not the kid said, : ? that person is because they do not listen to the words of my mother only become so, if you do not listen to my mother, one day this man may become like the image. is the children's respect, compassion, concern, love, help disabled people's education. parents will bring the child to the orphanage, to a home, to place people with disabilities and other activity centers for their volunteer work. Some parents and teachers, and even those who teach children with disabilities pet adoption in order to cultivate children's love.
in China, assuming a person of sound body on the body on with the marriage of persons with disabilities, able-bodied opponents are often the most pro-family and closest friends and relatives. approver, often with no able-bodied spectator interest. This day does not change the current social situation, one world of Confucius in China, can not be achieved on the day, if we, as a member of this society is not to change this situation to work, no right to say it is a real caring person.
(to be continued)
5,3, love, communication mm : As the limitations of our environment may be in other people growing up in awareness and understanding of love is different. For example, a child growing up in the mountains, and a child growing up in the big city , a child growing up in Muslim culture, and a child growing up in Christian culture, their awareness and understanding of love is not quite the same.
if we had been living in the growth of a relatively closed environment, Even if we love with others, awareness and understanding about how different does not matter much, but in today's global integration, and transportation development in the information age of today, if we are still limited to the growth environment in our understanding of love and the narrow scope of understanding, only think they accepted the awareness and understanding about love is the only correct, then our lives may give unnecessary trouble and confusion.
To avoid these problems and confusion, the most effective way is through love, communication, to increase our different cultures, different religions, different people have grown up under different perceptions of love and understanding of understanding. It is said that in the United States, a man of strange beautiful girl face to face that praise and comity, is seen as a gentleman, but in China, a man said to the strange beautiful girl face to face with praise and comity, are often seen as a frivolous undignified, disrespectful behavior.
Similarly, how to love their children and so on, people's views are very different. For example, some parents see their children fell, and quickly went to help the child up, that this is the love child of a parent. There parents see their children fall, and let the children get up, think this is a parents love for the child.
In fact, each person's understanding of love and understanding, people choose to love the way each has its reasonable place, merits, but also has its shortcomings that can be improved. Therefore, whether our own understanding of love what love what ways, does not matter, however, must not think that our own understanding and awareness of love, their love of the way, is the only right.
to learn to understand and respect the different perceptions of love and understanding, through reading and study methods, you can also approach with people . There is a saying, exchanges to improve their Rende. should be humble of heart, eager to learn of the heart, otherwise, even if we kept the day running all over the world, to reach a variety of different people, not be able to increase our awareness and understanding of love.
to a good learn from others who, in exchanges with others, even if the other did not say a word, but through their own observations, but also to learn each other's merits. a people who are not good at learning, even if the other party's knowledge and understanding of the expression of love just how thorough, we always feel that their opinion is the only correct, the only desirable, it may become the leader of a spring breeze, nothing.
a good person to learn from others, not only desirable from the other side learn the words and deeds things, but also undesirable from the words and deeds of each other's learning something. This is the people, not only should know how other people have different from their own knowledge and understanding of love, but also know why that's different. so you know, under what circumstances, what kind of environment, how to adjust their own expression Love the way. because the love in different ways, and there is no absolute right or wrong, is not only suitable for the sub.
how to express the love of strangers, not only with the two sides of the culture, religion, customs and other related In most cases, but also with the etiquette related. In some places, men and women can be attached to the first meeting face to hold. In some places, you can gently shake your hands. In some places, can not even shake hands can only be folded, or hand over, or waving their hands. There are places, only smiled and nodded. harshest places, even the President's face is not allowed to see, ladies have to use gauze to cover his face with the men meeting.
express love the way no matter how different, as long as we can with tolerance, respect, modesty, friendship and the heart of others, we will be able to fully demonstrate our love, it can continue to improve our knowledge and understanding of love.
(to be continued)
5,4, love the range of mm Buddhist thought and compassion, the good turn deserves another and Taoist thought, constitute a charitable culture with Chinese characteristics.
but denied that the family of Chinese culture, but also greatly limits the scope of the Chinese people love. such as China particular stress on the family, last name, stressed the same village, fellow classmates, neighbors and other relations, in dealing with any problem, if the face of an acquaintance and a stranger, certainly consciously or unconsciously, the thought of preferential acquaintances, few would think to equally.
especially in the current situation of implementation of one-child policy, many families have only one child, the child growing up, only to accept that love from their parents, few expect to pay for someone else's love. As brothers and sisters in the family, lack of mutual love between the education, so schools are also more difficult to cultivate on the love between the students, they all look the other students could be like their parents, all to themselves as the center. < br> Interestingly, ; Business heard the carry: l Sishengyouming, r. rich gentleman in the days without the loss of respect, courtesy and human Gonger, within the four seas are brothers. gentleman hang almost no brothers?
meaning of this passage is that, Sima Niu said sadly: . r gentleman does not go wrong as long as the dedicated, respectful and courteous to the people, then the people of the world to all his brothers. gentleman brothers do not need to worry? brothers and sisters may feel that the lack of love, I feel lonely. that feeling that today's child, especially in those urban forest-like multi-storey residential building that is separated one by one closed only child growing up in families, but also there must be, right? Sometimes, looking for a person to talk about intimate words, talk is also not possible.
now even have a special word called such people Female style, is something we learn today who's only child. Although we are only children in the family, but all students, not all of our brothers or sisters?
If we can develop from childhood to classmates as brothers and sisters to care for each other, love each other and help each other, mutual respect, then we arrive in the career after entering, it is easy also to my colleagues, industry peers as brothers and sisters of people it will not be further the same city, same country, the same planet as brothers and sisters who are.
Can other people as their brothers to come back. The challenge is whether we have enough broad-minded tolerance, understanding, respect and love towards the people consistent with our point of view, even our critics. The challenge is whether the powerless, no financial colorless, non-pro non-dependents of the treatment of vulnerable people when brothers.
real life, many people often complain that their brothers and sisters on their own are not good enough is not good enough for their students, not good enough for their friends and colleagues on their own are not good enough is not good enough for their neighbors, and the reason this all boils down to bad people. In fact, if we take a closer look is not difficult to find, so that the NPC is the lack of love, small-minded, just think of how others love themselves, rarely want to or less like how to love others.
there is a person, they can be very friendly to strangers, very warm, very generous, and even performed a very sympathetic heart, but rather preoccupied with daily contact with people, unwilling to compromise, there is no love, very proud. If this is the case, then a relationship may not be the problem with love, but with the conflict of interest has a relationship with trickery problem.
observe whether the people around love, for judging whether the person easy to get along very valuable. in turn, can set up to observe a person to get along with people around the relationship is harmonious, you can determine if the person and love. We can go to observe others, they also can be observed me. So, if we get along with people around myself very harmonious relationship, we might reflect on their love and concern is a bit less?
note, do not reflect a long time and found their love and concern is not enough, but the people around her love and care is not enough. In that case, your reflection is not necessary, because the answer is clear .
6,1, how to keep love warm mm ; and those who know better than the good, good of the person not the music. it can not last. This is a bit like saying puts it, br> a man is after some kind of hobby can continue, usually by subjective and objective factors. from an objective point of view, to see whether there continues to be the minimum of the environment and conditions, from a subjective point of view, we must look whether they have the enthusiasm and motivation to continue. But ultimately, mainly depends on the individual's subjective factor, that is, whether they have the enthusiasm and motivation to continue, and if so, do not have to continue even if the environment and conditions will continue to strive to create an environment and conditions.
how to continue with the enthusiasm and motivation behind it? ; ���� Yong �� 20, meaning that: Some inspiration, that is, whether our interests to continue, is not that our interests are the line, but whether we can feel the satisfaction and joy from. pretty good for a hobby, of course, will be line of people is more important than the duration of president, but if not feel the satisfaction and happiness from which is not long.
in real life, many people choose to first consider their own interests and hobbies are not really like it, whether from feelings of satisfaction and happiness, were more often blindly or follow the trend. popular point that what is now popular to choose. such a gust of wind passed, will change his choice.
in real life, there are were not to go along with fashion, but need to go along. For example, in pursuit of someone, please someone close to someone so obviously they do not like, also because there is such a need and a person can develop a the same interests. This utilitarian interests and hobbies just a stepping stone, once the objective was achieved after abandoned.
in real life, there is a situation that is not to follow suit, not a utilitarian, but were ordered. In themselves do not have the independent ability to judge and select the capacity of the premise, by parents or teachers or other people asked to choose a hobby. The reason is to choose a hobby, you can display the elegance of a person, a person's self-cultivation, a person's taste, a person's identity and so on. But I did not like, even hate, only to suffer silently. such interests under external force, with the external force disappears, naturally can not be continued.
interested in is the best teacher. If we really feel the love interest from some satisfaction and happiness, our interest will be endless, naturally, can be sustained. even if we do not, as long as continue will enhance our ability, even if we do not have sufficient good environment and conditions, as long as we desire, we can go through the effort to create environments and conditions.
hobbies so choose, choose love is it not so? Whether friends, love, marriage, can long be sustained if there is in fact the root causes of satisfaction and happiness. Although different friends, love, marriage and happiness to us to meet the specific content is not the same, but certainly will be the same, such as emotional, spiritual, material, physical, psychological, otherwise, how long to continue it? Otherwise, what is necessary to continue it?
us often hear such stories, the girls said, I really love love him, I can give my all for him, but every time I was with him is not always friendly to each other, but each time would not be happy scattered. there are similar stories: I love love this family, but each time walked into this house, I do not feel like it.
I have no doubt these people say these words in good faith, not suspect that they are telling lies, they just do not know what love is, do not know why love. girls say love love his boyfriend, strictly speaking, is each broke up, she has proven that he has no real love. who went home to a bad mood every time people do not like this has long been home, but feel morally should love this family.
so force yourself to love love, not only not necessary, and can not long continue.
(to be continued)
6,1, how to maintain the enthusiasm of love mm . , usually by subjective and objective factors. from an objective point of view, to see whether there continues to be the minimum of the environment and conditions, from a subjective point of view, to see whether they have the enthusiasm and motivation to continue. but essentially , mainly depends on the individual's subjective factor, that is, whether they have the enthusiasm and motivation to continue, and if so, do not have to continue even if the environment and conditions, will continue to strive to create environments and conditions.
How can we continue with the enthusiasm and motivation behind it?
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